[roevermca1996] Best ever jokes on the Net

Pilots:
Raj and Saj, now pilots are trying to land an airplane at Heathrow Airport.
They start descending and as they touch the ground Saj screams ‘Oye Raj, the runway is ending...".
Raj swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, Saj screams again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". Raj swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again...
During their fourth descent Raj says : "Look at those stupid Brits, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "I know" answers Saj, "But look how wide they made it...."

 

FireFighters

Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters

 

Supernatural:
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a worldwide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

 

Tourists at Niagara Falls:

Tourist Guide:

"I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

Help....

The Titanic is going to be drowned....Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.

Italian: How far is land, from here ? 

Sardarji: Two miles.

Italian:Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the

experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and

comes up to the layer to ask something again. 

Italian: Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here?

Sardarji: Downwards......

 

Indian, Bangladeshi & Pakistani

A Paki, Bangladeshi and an INDIAN are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls
out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our
glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces. He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that
we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Indian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and
Bangladeshi. He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that
we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

 

Wrong Answer

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar.

Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the

same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh.

Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions.

 

The manager went to Santa and said,

"Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".

Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct.

This being Punjab I should get the job!"

Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers,

but on the one question that you got wrong.

Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong,

Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

 

Banta killed Santa

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta.

As Banta singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse,

and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly

handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength

to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the

note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the

funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing

the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said,

 

“Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa,

I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud,

"Idiot!! You're standing on my oxygen tube!"